so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
