and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
