My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
