I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
