somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
