Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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