Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
me + whiskey = a bad person
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
