hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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