You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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