we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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