So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
