I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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