I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
