The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
