i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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