I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
