if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
