it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
