I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Those nachos came to me in a dream
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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