well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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