yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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