Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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