Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
