i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
