Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize
