She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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