Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you win again, gameday.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
