What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
