he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
