I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
