U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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