oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
