We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
