dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
