After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
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