you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
