I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
