I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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