I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
