I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
