i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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