If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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