why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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