I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
