There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
