I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm like, not good at living.