So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?