we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.