Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
