JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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