Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Randomize
