he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
