Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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