The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
