woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
