Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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