drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
