On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
