I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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