She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
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