we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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