my mouth tastes like poor choices
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Randomize
