You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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