I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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