Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
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i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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