He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
