You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
