Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
