i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
