i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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