why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
