i already hear my dad disowning me
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize