so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She swung at the pinata with crutches
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I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
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I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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