party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize