Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
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